What I really want right now is to be happy.

 I actually can smile, sing and have a conversation like I don't have any problems at all -- but do I really want to be that hypocrite?

 I mean, people can actually say, what you do is what you are. So if I act happy, I'll be. But let say if there's this one particular second that I starts to think about all those unhappiness in me, what would I do then? I'm gonna stuck in the shadow of depression all over again -- and we absolutely do not want that cause people just gonna say that I'm having depression like a girl having menstruation.

 I know this time it's serious. And I know this time I can't act happy. And I truly know that this time, I need to solve the problem to the roots or else, I can never 'do' happy.

 I need to settle my problem, not faking that I solved it.

 That is what I am very sure of.

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