I Can't

I can't think straight right now.

My head is getting mixed up with my feelings which I don't even know what they are.
It's mixed.

Maybe because I've just had the program in the evening for students who are going to resit their exams to pass the year and obviously I'm a permanent member for three years.

MMJ laying out their plans for us which I appreciates.
Adib giving out speech before he clumsily spilled out the cup in front him.

I hate this period.
The period that I sinks and need helps and encouragement for many people including me, myself.

That's just what it is, as said by one of the panel during the program, "It's hard because this is the battle of you against you."

The 'junior' in ikmal (resit paper) giving out his experiences.
The panels which the pink colored hijab sis said about the struggles of one own.
I mean, right now, my mind is still cloudy. I'm hopeless. I need to study. But at the same time, I need to release all these tensions which is by playing cards, for example. But no, there's just no one out there that can help with any of these right now.

Everyone is busy with their own stuff.
While I'm struggling with my own shit.

I just hope that I won't get drown.
This time, the fight is real. After the Psychology's exam on the day after tomorrow, I have to cope with studying 24h for three systems just to pass this year and a rumor from the program, I might probably just be able to take only two systems which will make it all much harder! Fuck this shit, right?

Anyway, times are passing by, so will everything else. I just need to be alive for a while. Let's pray for the best and God will settle the rest. Just to share, there are bookmarks given during the program to motivate, and I choose to end this post with the words on it:

"Failure will never overtake me if my determination to succeed is strong enough"

Bis spater!

p/s : Actually, i don't really like to write about my feeling on this. In fact, I wrote an emotion-filled entry right after the program but I didn't submit cause I felt really bad. And the one that I'm typing right now is the one that I type with an empty feeling. So, forgive me for this stupid post.

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